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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28407702">Dared Not Hope</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevcolleil/pseuds/Nevcolleil'>Nevcolleil</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(the lead up to one anyway), Fuck Or Die, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:02:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,158</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28407702</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevcolleil/pseuds/Nevcolleil</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean’s not gonna say ‘<i>I’m gonna sex up my angel now.’</i> Hell, no – that’s not happening. “I’ll take care of it,” he says instead.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Fuck or die (Destiel)</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dared Not Hope</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It seems farfetched, even for them. An angel? One of the questionably anatomically correct - needing to mate or die? <i>Seriously</i>?</p><p>Sure, Castiel quoted the lost scripture. Lots of words like ‘flesh secureth flesh’, ‘thy’, and ‘thine’. Very biblical. Whatever – any schmuck who’s read the good Book could fake that sort of thing, right? If it weren’t Castiel, Dean would think so. He’d figure this was all somehow a ploy to get him to give in to being the “Michaelsword”.</p><p>But it’s<i> Cas.</i> Cas gave up Revealation and forwarding the family business plan for Dean. He wouldn’t lie about something like this. Hell – Dean’s not certain the guy is capable of lying. Anything he’s ever told Dean – even when it was wrong – he’s totally believed.</p><p>And he’s sick. Dean’s never seen Cas sick before. Probably because Cas has never<i> been</i> sick before. Dean’s seen him bleed. Seen him banged up. But right now his skin is pale and waxy; his pupils are blown, and there are dark circles around his eyes. Fine tremors run along his skin. He’s one of the most powerful creatures Dean’s ever come across, and he looks like a fat kitten could knock him flat.</p><p>“Dean, what do we do?”</p><p>Sam’s about shaking himself. His eyes are wide and he shifts on his feet like he’s nervous. Dean wonders if he looks as freaked out as his brother then figures that no one can blame them. Who wouldn’t freak out about this shit?</p><p>Dean tightens his jaw and makes a decision.</p><p>“You go get some coffee or something,” he says before he can chicken out. Sam kinds starts. “I’m-” Dean’s not gonna say ‘<i>I’m gonna sex up my angel now.’</i> Hell, no – that’s not happening. “I’ll take care of it,” he says instead.</p><p>“Dean-”</p><p>“You got a better idea?” He means to sound forceful, but probably just manages desperate. Sam looks at him and Dean sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “I didn’t think so. It’ll be alright, Sammy, just- Just give us some space.”</p><p>Cas is watching them talk. Laid out on the motel bed nearby, not moving. Which isn’t awkward at all.</p><p>Sam keeps staring and it starts to piss Dean off. It’s not like he wants to fornicate with an angel while he’s sick. It’s not like it was his idea. He’s not suggesting he molest the guy for kicks, for fuck’s sake-</p><p>But after a minute, Sam nods his head. “Okay. Yeah, I-” Then he leaves. There really isn’t anything else to say anyhow.</p><p>Dean turns to Cas. He’s so nervous now that they’re alone – sweaty palms rubbing harshly against the thighs of his jeans – it’s like<i> he’s </i>the virgin all of a sudden.</p><p>And starting off along that train of thought just isn’t pleasant. Dean feels like someone’s plopped something heavy and hot down in the base of his gut and it burns all the way up to the back of his eyes.</p><p>“Cas…” he croaks. It’s like Dean’s the dying one. This is-</p><p>This is wrong in every possible way. Something like this- Something like this should be Cas’s choice, if he ever chooses it at all. It shouldn’t be <i>Dean’s</i>, funky biblical curse or not. Dean’s got a black book thicker than the one Cas lives by – how does that get him a roll in the hay with an honest-to-God celestial being?</p><p>“It’s alright, Dean.” Dean’s been rooted in place, like there’s a physical barrier keeping him from approaching Cas and the bed, but the soft words have him striding nearer – sitting next to Cas on the mattress. “You shouldn’t be forced to do something like this if you don’t wish to do it. You do not have to-”</p><p>“The hell I <i>don’t</i>,” Dean says, not letting him finish. “I’m not letting you die, Cas. Especially not like this. That’s not the issue. You shouldn’t have to- I shouldn’t be the-”</p><p>Dean’s horrified to realize that the burn’s brought a wetness to his eyes that is so not helping. He’s ridiculously close to bawling. His self-preservation instincts kick in and has his subconscious joking, ‘<i>Dude. An angel’s asking you to bang him and you’re weeping. Man up, dipshit</i>.’ But Castiel frowns.</p><p>As always, he knows what Dean means, even when Dean’s not certain what point he’s making.</p><p>“I would not ask this of another person were my choices not limited as they are now,” Cas tells him. Which is as close as either of them has come to admitting out loud that they’d like to jump one another’s bones. Dean’s felt that way (when he’s let himself) for a while now, but he hadn’t been too sure about Cas.</p><p>“You-”</p><p>Cas puts one hand over Dean’s where it lies in his lap. Dean startles. Both because Cas’s skin is so cold and because he feels a jolt, even now, when Cas touches him. He can’t help it, but he feels like he should be able to with Cas sick. It’s just that they’ve touched so rarely… And Dean’s wanted it so much… He can’t wrap his mind around the thought that they might actually be about to-</p><p>“Dean. I’d hoped that we might one day know one another the way humans may,” Cas said. “I don’t know if you feel the same-”</p><p>Dean chuckles. He can’t not. “Dude. Sam rags on me all the time about it.” In his subtle Sam way, when they know Cas is occupied elsewhere.</p><p>Cas smiles, slightly – tired or sad, either way it chokes Dean up to see it.</p><p>“Or maybe I dared not hope that you do,” Cas finishes. Even cloudy with pain his eyes are scary sharp, bright in a way that can’t be mistaken as fully human, even now with Jimmy gone – seeking out parts of Dean that Dean used to be afraid of him seeing. Until he realized that Cas was seeking to be shown those parts. Not to take them for himself against Dean’s wishes.</p><p>Dean turns his hand beneath Cas’s and does something he hasn’t done willingly since he was maybe five years old. He links his fingers with someone else’s.</p><p>“One thing you gotta do,” Dean says, using his free hand to point at Cas in emphasis. “Is cut out that dared not hope bullshit. You’re the Plucky Little Angel Who Could, remember? I’m the screw-up you had to pull out of Hell.”</p><p>Dean’s joke-making during times of stress sucks something awful.</p><p>“You won’t screw this up, Dean,” Cas tells him quietly. Dean swallows.</p><p>Then a glint enters Cas’s eye – Dean doesn’t think he’s imagining it. Cas’s smile gains that little, snarky edge it’s slowly been gaining all this time under Dean’s influence.</p><p>“But if you’re worried… we could do it more than once. To make sure you’ve done it right.”</p><p>Dean looks at him. Then slowly begins to smile. “Right. Well as long as you’ve got a plan…”</p><p>He leans over into their kiss.</p>
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